Man, I Feel Like a Woman

My mom has a serious problem of misreading labels. It's really quite frustrating. One of our family traditions is eating mozzarella cheese sticks and drinking weak piña coladas for New Year's. It's a great tradition and we look forward to it every year. We even built up this trust in her ability to purchase the most delicious cheese sticks and to make the weakest piña coladas (before she passes out). This trust was shattered in 2008 or 2009 (clearly I don't remember which year because of those crazy strong piña coladas!). She came home with JALAPEÑO cheese sticks. There are various problems with this, number one being, SHE RUINED NEW YEAR'S. The second problem is that she has acid reflux, which now I also do.

The background story on the second point is funnier and less heartwarming than the first. I was in the shower and about to shave my legs when I heard a weird whizzing noise. I couldn't figure it out until after my shower, when I took out the shaving cream can. It was exploding! On the inside! There was a hole in the bottom of the can and shaving cream was oozing out. With my natural journalistic sense, I took a picture.

Since I couldn't use my shaving cream anymore, I had to ask my mom to buy me some more. Once again, I had trust in her ability to get the right shaving cream... simply because it is such a specific item. The last thing I expected to specify to her was WHICH GENDER SHE WAS BUYING SHAVING CREAM FOR. Yes, she bought men's shaving cream. She bought shaving cream that is meant for the faces of men. Immediately, I complained. Her response? "Shaving cream is shaving cream. Who is going to care?" I'll tell you who is going to care; ME. After I shave my legs, instead of smelling like I just shaved my legs, I smell like my legs are actually faces of men and I shaved them.


And then I can't help but think sarcastically, "Man, I feel like a woman!"


Her response to this post: "Buy your own!"